As King Dasharatha lay on his deathbed, he remembered the
story of the time he was forewarned about his separation from his son.
Dasharatha had always been really good at archery and had
loved it ever since he was a little boy. When he was still a prince, he would
always go out to the forest and practice shooting whenever he got an
opportunity. Every once in a while, he would also hear and see an animal and
try to hunt it down using his bow and arrows.
One day he heard the leaves rustling from behind the bushes.
Thinking it might just be a fox or other small animal, he took an arrow and shot it in the
direction the noise was coming from. Eager to see what he had just shot, he ran around the bushes. There was a boy lying there who had been shot. Dasharatha thought
to himself, “What have I done?” After realizing what had just happened, he went
up to the little boy and asked, “ What is your name? I am really sorry. I
didn’t mean for this to happen.” The boy, unable to speak, just pointed in the direction of the his parents and passed away.
Dasharatha, unaware of what the little boy was pointing
at, walked over in the direction that the boy pointed in. As he went in the
direction, he saw two blind elderly people. He realized that these were the little
boy's parents and he was just on his way to the pond to get some water for them. Dasharatha picked up the
little boy and his bottle of water and took both the boy and water to his parents and placed both in front of them.
The parents, hearing the noise, asked, “Shravan, is that you?”
Dasharatha replied, “ No. This is Prince Dasharatha. I have come in front of you to ask for forgiveness. I have made a huge mistake.” He then explained to the parents
what had happened.
The father angrily yelled, “Do you not even realize how big
of a problem you have created?”
Dasharaha being the prince wasn’t used to people yelling at
him and replied, “How dare you speak to me in that manner? Do you even know who
I am? I am Dasharatha, the prince of Ayodhya.”
The father replied, “ It doesn’t matter who you are. You
have just stolen our one and only son from us and now we stand here before you
with nothing to live for. We are as good as dead. “
Instead of helping the poor elders, he got up and left
the couple with their son. As he was leaving, the father cursed him, saying, “
You won’t realize this mistake now, but when you get older and have a kid of
your own. Your death will also come as your son leaves you and you will surely
learn then.”
The king smiled to himself, realizing that he had let his
ego blind him when he was younger and made a huge mistake a long time
ago, but it had finally caught up to him. The curse of the blind elder parents had finally come true. Even though it was Kaykeyi who wished Rama's exile so Bharatha could be king, Dashratha was finally separated from his beloved son, Rama. He finally knew the pain of being separated from one's own son. Then, he looked up and saw his wife and Rama's mother, Kausalya, sitting there, staring at him. He told her, “ Make sure that our sons always stay humble and never allow their ego to get in the way of their decisions.” As he was saying that, he closed his eyes and went on to his next life.
The swing the boy used to carry his blind parents. Source Wikimedia Commons.
Bibliography
Narayan, R. K. (1972) The Ramayana.
Author’s note
In this story, I chose to tell it as a story that Dasharatha is thinking to himself. The reason I chose to tell the story in this manner was because it went perfectly with the moral of my story. The moral was that you should never let your ego get in the way of any of your decisions. I feel if Dasharatha had maybe handled the situation a little better, he might not have had to die such a miserable and painful death. In this story, I made Dasharatha look a little egotistical, but most adolescents usually are and tend to let their ego get in the way. In the original story there was also very little dialogue between the parents and King Dasharatha. I also made sure that the moral of the story was clear so it is easier for children to learn from the story and not have them just think of it as a silly story. This would be a great children's story because it teaches children to learn to treat each individual as an equal rather than thinking of themselves as better than someone else. This story also has a great concept of karma, since King Dashratha has to deal with something due to his ego in his younger days.
This is a good story. I like how you frame it with Dasaratha on his deathbed, looking back on this 'prequel' story in his life and finally realizing the true weight of his actions. You do a good job of conveying the moral of the story and showing the grave consequences of Dasaratha's mistake. I also like where you say that it doesn't matter if he is a prince, he still must pay for his wrongdoings. It's short and sweet with a strong message - good job!
ReplyDeleteI liked your story choice! It was such an intriguing case of karma in Indian Epics and how he received what he dished out to the parents of the boy. It was great that you added dialogue and talked about Dasharatha's regret, which is not overly addressed in the book. Like Elena mentioned, your moral was very strong and clear. Regardless of position, we should treat others well and not let pride get in the way of being a decent person. Great storytelling!
ReplyDeleteWow, I love how you expanded on this story! I also like how you told the story through Dasartha, looking back on his youthful mistake with a much wiser perception now. It will probably be that way for all of us someday! We will look back on the foolish mistakes that we made in our youth with more wisdom. Anyway, I think you did a wonderful job on your storytelling and look forward to reading more of your posts in the future!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting way to present Dasartha's mistake as a youth, tying it into his death. I love the way you present this as a flashback for the king. It is a unique way to make him realize the true consequences for his early mistakes. Adding the interaction between him and the parents of the little boy make the story more touching. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction grabbed my attention, but it didn’t transition well to the story. Maybe use a colon at the end of the introduction or write the reflection in italics. When Dasaratha said “How dare you speak to me in that manner? Do you even know who I am?” I was shocked. It really showed how young and thoughtless he was. He just killed this guy’s only son. Why is he angry that the man is cross with him? That moment was very good for your character development. It also made the moral of the story clear and easy to understand. One place with awkward wording is at the end when he’s looking at Kausalya. It sounds at first like she’s there with one of his other wives. I like the picture you used, but I don’t feel like it adds enough to the story. It would also be better if it were placed at the top of the story or in the middle instead of at the bottom. The title doesn’t make me want to read the story; maybe try to think of something along the lines of “How Dasaratha’s Ego Brought His Demise.” I like that it is from Dasaratha’s perspective. It feels right that he’s thinking about it to himself at the end of his life.
ReplyDeleteNeeral, this story that you decided to tell is one of my favorite plots in the Ramayana. I thought that the story was a little choppy and although it is still really well written, needs a better flow especially in the introduction. I think since you wanted to focus on Dasaratha's point of view and how it was selfish, There is a substantial more feelings you could provide. Such as when he shoots the boy, saying something like "I could feel my heart racing and my stomach dropped as I waited to see what I had done." I love the story and your writing but I do believe that with the route you are taking in writing this story, the perspective really needs a connection to feelings and thoughts besides conversation that needs to be included. I can feel that you are so close to adding those last fine details and I understand that I am sure it is hard to connect to those feelings because it is in a story from so long ago. You are on the right track, just keep editing and creating more of a flow and you will be there very soon! Just remember if you are going to do someone's inner thoughts, feelings go hand-in-hand.
ReplyDeleteI think you have done a good job of telling this story. All the needed elements are there and you have done a great job of showing Dasaratha's feelings. You have a couple of themes that I see working here. First is Dharma and I think you did a good job of setting it up by going into detail the event that caused Dasaratha's debt. Your picture is perfect for this, but I think that one thing you could do is add a few more pictures in your story. It is a good way to add to visualizations and it also helps to break up the story for your reader. When you have one unbroken string of words and then at the end you have a picture the readers eyes will naturally begin to skim words. Adding a few more pictures would help keep the reader engaged to your story which is important because you have done a great job. Another theme is the ego being the downfall of the King and I think you have done a great job of subtly introducing that to your reader. The entire time I was reading this I was thinking it was about Dharma and after reading your notes I was able to read this again and gain a new perspective so good job. My main critique is to add more picture to add life not only to the story but to the page.
ReplyDeleteHey Neeral, I just finished reading your portfolio story and I have to say it is a very good story. There are many different elements and themes present that make the story even deeper than it appears. Just like Joe stated, I also picked up on the theme of Dharma. Overall this was an extremely sad story, and I felt that sadness when reading it. I could clearly tell that young Dasharatha felt no remorse for killing the young boy, which was painfully hard to comprehend. The boy's death not only signified immense grief to his parents but would also most likely affect their survival. I felt very bad for the parents because they really relied on their son to take care of them, the picture you used really conveys this idea. I feel like the dialogues you added to make this story your own were very clean and went smoothly with the original plot as well. I feel like you could expand this even more and add more dialogues. For example, when Dasharatha is in the forest and shooting various animals. You could add some of his thoughts on how he would shoot the animal and such. Overall, this is a great story! Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHi Neilu! I really enjoyed reading your story. You are right your story was perfect for the moral you were trying to convey across your readers. Your overall story line is great, you did a great job retelling this story too just like the other story I read about two weeks ago. I think all your stories have a good story line to it and it flows pretty well too. And I have to agree with you on the things you said in your author’s note. Mentioning your author’s note I think you did a great job of showing how Dasaratha grows up and how he changes in the story. Age does bring wisdom, which can be seen in your example. I kind of thought Dasaratha was insensitive to the parents when he yelled at them about being the prince and disrespecting, so that played along really well with you trying to convey that he was egotistical in his youth. And then on his death he realized his mistake and was humbled by it. I also liked how you separated the story into separate paragraphs so it was not hard to read and follow along. Overall great story, story was perfect to me nothing you could improve on!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story Neeral! I really enjoyed reading this story and love how you chose to retell it in your own way. I think the moral definitely is the main idea and presenting that is awesome. I enjoyed reading your author's note because it makes the story clearer to grasp and understand what exactly you are trying to express. Good job.
ReplyDelete