Not sure where to put this comment since it is for a portfolio and not a storybook but my following comment pertains to the storytelling post from week 4: Brahma gives Ravana his boon. Neeral, first of all I would like to say that I really enjoyed reading this storytelling post because it focused on the demon family of Ravana and transformed how I see them as characters from the book. Since this is a part of your writing portfolio, I think there are a few kinks that need to be worked out though. As far as storyline goes, I think it is pretty solid except that I am left wondering how Ravana got his heads back if he cut all but one off and in the book he has them all but yet his brothers wishes from Brahma are present like the one who sleeps for six months for everyday awake. Other than that small bit I think that it’s a great story! Another critic I may have concerning kinks in this post has to do with grammar. In some areas there are commas that are misplaced or periods that stop a sentence before it is a complete thought. For example the first sentence, (One day as Ravana, Kumbhakarna, and Vibhishana are hanging out with their parents, Vishrava and Kaikesi.) I think there needs to be a comma instead of a period here because you lead with ‘one day as…’. Just be sure to proofread and I think you will get it all worked out. Great story and imagination!
Thank you for commenting on my posts and especially my last one! I'm glad you told me to include the links of the storybooks. That was a good idea that I completely overlooked. Thanks a bunch Neeral :)
Hey Neeral, thanks for commenting on my posts and leaving me positive and constructive feedback for my posts. I hope you can give me your perspective on my future posts as well.
Hi! Thank you for all your lovely comments. I'm really happy you enjoyed my week seven storytelling post. I knew I had to write Sita's story, and I glad it came through nicely. Thank you!
I know this was a while ago, but I wanted to specifically thank you for your comment on my first storytelling post. I love reading things from different cultures and I'm glad that my post inspired you to read the prodigal son story. You were very encouraging. Thank you again!!
HI Neeral, I really enjoyed reading your story about Ravan and his brothers praying to get boons from Brahma. You did a good job of showing that Ravan was really impatient. Especially after the first thousand years when Ravan woke up and explained to his brother how much machodi it takes to get something from Brahma. You started with a good setting with the brothers hanging out with their parents and made a good transition from there to explain how the brothers got the idea to go pray for boons. This story was mainly told in the book to explain how Ravan got protection from both the gods and demons, but your version does a good job of giving details about how exactly it happened, rather than a vague summary of Ravan gaining his power. You had a solid storyline and great conversation between the characters. The conversation did a good job of expressing Ravan’s frustration which I mentioned earlier. Other than that, there were a few grammatical errors, which I understand because I make a lot of errors too. Over all I think it was an awesome story, and you were very creative with your conversation in the story.
Hey Neeral, I just got done reading your Portfolio story: Jatayu and Sampathi and I liked it a lot. Overall, I can tell you were very knowledgable about the characters you were writing about and did a very good job about researching the characters before creating your own story. I like how you made the comparison between Rama and Lakshmana in order for the readers to understand Jatayu and Sampathi's relationship much better. Also the brothers' jeering at each other makes it more personable because I know that do such things with my brother and male cousins as well. I really like how you conveyed the importance of brotherhood in your story and I could definitely infer the morals of the story without having to read the author's note. I'm glad that you didn't include the part where the brothers are separated because that would have made me sad as well. By reading your story I can tell that you truly appreciate your brother a lot and I hope he knows that! One other thing that you noted is that brother's will do anything for their siblings and you showed this very well in your story as well. Great story! Keep up the good work!
Not sure where to put this comment since it is for a portfolio and not a storybook but my following comment pertains to the storytelling post from week 4: Brahma gives Ravana his boon.
ReplyDeleteNeeral, first of all I would like to say that I really enjoyed reading this storytelling post because it focused on the demon family of Ravana and transformed how I see them as characters from the book. Since this is a part of your writing portfolio, I think there are a few kinks that need to be worked out though. As far as storyline goes, I think it is pretty solid except that I am left wondering how Ravana got his heads back if he cut all but one off and in the book he has them all but yet his brothers wishes from Brahma are present like the one who sleeps for six months for everyday awake. Other than that small bit I think that it’s a great story! Another critic I may have concerning kinks in this post has to do with grammar. In some areas there are commas that are misplaced or periods that stop a sentence before it is a complete thought. For example the first sentence, (One day as Ravana, Kumbhakarna, and Vibhishana are hanging out with their parents, Vishrava and Kaikesi.) I think there needs to be a comma instead of a period here because you lead with ‘one day as…’. Just be sure to proofread and I think you will get it all worked out. Great story and imagination!
Neeral,
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting on my posts and especially my last one! I'm glad you told me to include the links of the storybooks. That was a good idea that I completely overlooked. Thanks a bunch Neeral :)
Hey Neeral, thanks for commenting on my posts and leaving me positive and constructive feedback for my posts. I hope you can give me your perspective on my future posts as well.
ReplyDeleteHi! Thank you for all your lovely comments. I'm really happy you enjoyed my week seven storytelling post. I knew I had to write Sita's story, and I glad it came through nicely. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI know this was a while ago, but I wanted to specifically thank you for your comment on my first storytelling post. I love reading things from different cultures and I'm glad that my post inspired you to read the prodigal son story. You were very encouraging. Thank you again!!
ReplyDeleteHI Neeral, I really enjoyed reading your story about Ravan and his brothers praying to get boons from Brahma. You did a good job of showing that Ravan was really impatient. Especially after the first thousand years when Ravan woke up and explained to his brother how much machodi it takes to get something from Brahma. You started with a good setting with the brothers hanging out with their parents and made a good transition from there to explain how the brothers got the idea to go pray for boons. This story was mainly told in the book to explain how Ravan got protection from both the gods and demons, but your version does a good job of giving details about how exactly it happened, rather than a vague summary of Ravan gaining his power. You had a solid storyline and great conversation between the characters. The conversation did a good job of expressing Ravan’s frustration which I mentioned earlier. Other than that, there were a few grammatical errors, which I understand because I make a lot of errors too. Over all I think it was an awesome story, and you were very creative with your conversation in the story.
ReplyDeleteHey Neeral, I just got done reading your Portfolio story: Jatayu and Sampathi and I liked it a lot. Overall, I can tell you were very knowledgable about the characters you were writing about and did a very good job about researching the characters before creating your own story. I like how you made the comparison between Rama and Lakshmana in order for the readers to understand Jatayu and Sampathi's relationship much better. Also the brothers' jeering at each other makes it more personable because I know that do such things with my brother and male cousins as well. I really like how you conveyed the importance of brotherhood in your story and I could definitely infer the morals of the story without having to read the author's note. I'm glad that you didn't include the part where the brothers are separated because that would have made me sad as well. By reading your story I can tell that you truly appreciate your brother a lot and I hope he knows that! One other thing that you noted is that brother's will do anything for their siblings and you showed this very well in your story as well. Great story! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Neelu, Thanks for all your feedback this semester. They really helped me make my posts better!
ReplyDelete