On the third day of the war, Ravana’s servant woke him up
early in the morning. Ravana angrily yelled at them, “ Why do you fools bother
me so early in the morning? Do you not realize that we have just won the war
and you should let me just enjoy this morning?”
The servants scared, replied, “But the sentries of the wall have some
important news they want to talk to you about?” Ravana said, “ What could they possibly want now? Okay,
let them know to wait in the court while I get ready.” After saying that, he
went to go get ready before he went to his court.
Ravana appeared in court and asked, “ Why do you disturb me
so early in the morning?”
One of the sentries of the wall replied, “ We haven’t won
the war yet.”
Ravana angrily said, “ What do you mean? Do you question my
abilities?”
The sentry scared to reply said, “ No, sir. It is just that we saw
Hanuman, who was wounded; bring the Medicine Hill to Rama at the commands of
Jambavan, the King of the bear. This hill had some medicinal herbs that helped
revive Rama, Lakshmana, and many more that were killed.”
Ravana thought about what had just happened and the told his
servants bring him his son. The servants replied, “ We haven’t seen him
since yesterday, when you sent him to kill Rama, and Lakshmana.” Ravana then
looked at the sentries and said, “ Do you guys know anything about where he
is?” The bravest sentry replied, “ His hiding place was revealed by Vibhishana
and he was attacked and defeated by Lakshmana. He was heavily wounded and
unfortunately, didn’t make it.”
Ravana thought to himself, “ How could my own brother do
this? How could he help my enemies? What could he possibly want? Had he done
this for my kingdom? No, he never wanted the money and the fortune. Did my son
do something wrong? “ All of these thoughts went on inside of Ravana’s head. He
was really confused. How could his brother help get his own nephew killed. What
were the circumstances that Vibhishana had to betray his own family?
While all these thought went on inside his head, he ordered
his servants to get his stuff ready for combat. It was his time to go into war
and avenge his son’s death.
 |
| Ravana in Lanka. Source: Wikimedia Commons. |
Bibliography
Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way.
Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way.
Author’s Note
I really liked this story because I didn’t think Vibhishana
would actually help Rama’s troops at all, but he helps them because he knows
who is right and who is wrong. In this part of the story he actually helps them
in a way that got his nephew killed and so I thought it would be really hard on
Vibhishana and Ravana and it would good to see what was going on in their
heads.
This is a good start, but I think you could expand much more on this story. First, I noticed that you started off by saying it was the third day of the war, but your reader has no clue (from this story alone) what you're talking about. I think it would be helpful to give a little more background - paint the picture of the war, how hard the troops have fought, how morale is, etc.
ReplyDeleteI also think you could expand much, much more on Ravana's reaction (that is, after all, the title of your story) to hearing of his son's death. That part was totally glossed over, and I could imagine that that would be both shocking and devastating to Ravana. You could describe his anger at Vibhishana more too. Try breaking up that large block of internal monologue with actions: Does Ravana throw a violent tantrum? Does he rush to prepare for battle? Something else?
Additionally, since you're doing a portfolio, I would go back over this and edit for grammar and word choice. You have some incorrect commas, semicolons, etc. There are a few places where the wording is just off, for example you say "The servants scared, reply..." - you need some more words in there or something. There are also some word choice issues I would change. For example, most of the dialogue is pretty formal, but then Ravana calls a group of people "guys". And you say "stuff" at one point, when you could be much more specific to create a better image of what's going on.
I chose to do a storytelling post this week over a similar part of the book that you had. I did not include monologue as you had, which I thought was neat since we were not given any at this place in the book so you were creative in thinking of what the characters could have said. One thing that I found myself thinking though when reading your post and then seeing the picture you provided was that Ravana had ten heads, and you stated all his thoughts in a single head, it was just funny to me that he could think as a single unit when he had so many brains. It is interesting how the demons manifestations work with their bodies, and it is sometimes difficult to imagine. Good Job on this week's storytelling post!
ReplyDeleteHey, Neeral! I really enjoyed your rendition of the story. It was clear, understandable, and also detailed. I wish more of the book was written in the style you wrote. I also enjoyed this portion of the book because Vibhishana’s character shines through which is really neat to see. I look forward to reading more of your pieces soon- great job!
ReplyDeleteHow interesting. I guess when I originally read this the thought that his brother killed his nephew didn't really sink in. I just focused on the fact that his son had been killed, not necessarily by who. I can certainly see why Ravana would be angry about the situation! It's interesting how V chose to betray his family. At first when he came to Rama to ask to "join them" I didn't think he was being truthful, so when he was it was very puzzling. Great post!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story! I actually wrote one of my storytelling posts about this story last week, so I think it is really cool to see a different perspective on it. I liked the detail and dialogue that you used in your story. It really helped keep my attention while I was reading it, and also made it more understandable! I love how this story is about Vibhishana's struggle between doing what is right or sticking by his family's side because I feel like this is something that everyone struggles with at some point in their lives. Great work!
ReplyDeleteI love Ravana as a character, in fact I'm writing my story book about him. So naturally I liked this story just based on the fact that it stars Ravana. I love how you tried to get in Ravana's head for this story. I wouldn't want to invoke Ravana's wrath, Ravana's brother is in for some payback. Great story, and keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHi Neelu, once again I enjoyed reading your story. I also found it really interesting to how Vibhishana did not help his own brother and decided to go help Ram. Even though helping Ram was the right thing I just found it weird how he did not stick by his own blood brothers side. Other than that great machodi and I hope to read more!
ReplyDelete